


Ignorance of the Law Doesn't Excuse Breaking It

by godcomplexfics (godtiercomplex)



Series: dysfunctional family funtimes [10]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, M/M, this is not how policing works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiercomplex/pseuds/godcomplexfics
Summary: Haise doesn’t ask much of his children, but even that proves to be too much sometimes.In which; Shirazu and Urie seem to be dead set on being delinquents and Juuzou teaches them a few neat tricks.





	

Within a week of their arrival in his district, Juuzou knew that the new household that had moved into his district would be fun. The eldest brother, or father as it turned out, stopped by the police box with a gift basket and introduced himself while Hanbee and the other people in the koban eyed the basket with interest.

“I’m sorry for any troubles my family might cause,” Sasaki Haise said with a bow. Juuzou prepared himself for the worse, but Sasaki  had brought muffins so they couldn’t be too bad.

Juuzou figured out what he meant when he and Hanbee were summoned to Sasaki’s next door neighbor’s house. It was because a man covered in blood had been seen entering through the backdoor of the Sasaki residence during that first week.

They knocked on the door to check things out, and Sasaki opened up the door, yawning slightly, and glasses on the verge of falling off his face.

“Is something wrong officers?”

“Someone called in a break-and-enter, is the house safe?” Juuzou asked, getting straight to the point. He realized as a wonderful smell exited the house, that all those treats in the gift basket from last week had been home made.

“That’s odd . . . our alarm didn’t go off.”

A small child passed by behind Sasaki and removed her sucker long enough to say, “Grandpa’s home.”

Juuzou and Hanbee shared a look as Sasaki rubbed his forehead.

“I’m sorry, I think that whoever called that in must have seen my father.”

“I-is he okay?” Hanbee asked before he could, “The neighbor said he was covered in blood!”

Sasaki looked back at the girl who sighed, before saying in a bored voice, “He’s always covered in blood.”

“Saiko! I mean, yes, I’m sure he’s fine. Sorry for the trouble officers, everything is fine.”

Hanbee looked at Juuzou, as Juuzou looked at Sasaki, “What are you baking?” Hanbee might not care about the smell coming from the house, but this was vital information to Juuzou’s senses.  

“Oh, cookies. The smell helps me write sometimes.” Sasaki laughed slightly, “If you’re not busy, they’ll be done in another five minutes. I could pack some up for you to take back to the station.”

“What kind of cookies?” Juuzou asked, as Hanbee groaned. When Sasaki said chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin, Juuzou knew it was the start of a beautiful relationship.  

 

xxx

 

Juuzou had been adopted when he was sixteen, by the same man who had saved his life. So, he recognized the signs, especially when he did the annual survey and all the names from the Sasaki household did not match up and one of the children weren’t even on the report. Urie Kuki was the son of a famous member of the lower house, yet he was at the Sasaki house all the time. Juuzou didn’t ask questions, and he didn’t let Hanbee ask questions, just stuck a sucker in his mouth and carried on. It went on like this for a few years, and he saw the children grow from primary school to middle school. They all wore the same uniform when they’d pass by Juuzou’s box, aside from Urie Kuki who had a uniform that belonged to a super elite junior high.

Mutsuki would greet him, always, and Saiko would sometimes if she noticed him beyond her phone gaming. Shirazu seemed wary of him, and Urie most likely thought that he was beneath him. Urie had that sort of look a lot of people got around public workers.

The peace was kept, and that’s was what truly mattered in the long run, Juuzou figured. It was a simple quiet life if the worse he had to fear was the disapproval of a middle schooler.

 

xxx

 

He was chatting (or teasing Hanbee, depending on who you asked) when there was a loud crash and sudden horrified screams. He left Hanbee and went to look, already thinking about all the paperwork this would generate.

In the wreckage of Masato-san’s flower display, Sasaki’s older boys were choking the shit out of each other. As he watched, Shirazu managed to get Urie off of him, by performing one of the most beautiful flips Juuzou had seen by anyone who wasn’t himself. It lacked all of his grace, but it was still beautiful in a way that spoke of training.

Mutsuki had his hands over his face and was shaking his head as Juuzou slowed down and came to a stop next to him as Urie got the upper hand again and sent Shirazu flying into a lamp post.

“That has to hurt,” he said casually, unable to stop his grin.

“He has a hard head,” Mutsuki said, peering out to look at his brothers. He groaned, “Sasaki will kill us.”

“Masato-san will kill them first,” he corrected him, and then pulled out his whistle and blew. Shirazu and Urie ignored him, and he thought once more about how fun this was before jumping up, and twisting until he had a leg around the back of Shirazu’s head, and pulled him down, before knocking Urie down. He stepped on Urie’s hand as Shirazu rubbed his head, and couldn’t stop his laughter.

“What the fuck,” Shirazu glared at him, and then looked at the damage they had caused and paled.

Urie was muttering underneath his breath, so Juuzou ignored him.

“Is Sasaki-san at home?”

“Sassan? He should be . . .” Shirazu answered, uneasily and then frowned, “Why?”

“I wonder if he baked today . . .” Juuzou tugged them both up and then slipped a handcuff on them to link them together. He got behind them and pushed, “Let’s go, let’s go. Mutsuki-san, let’s go.”

“Ah? Ah! Okay, um--” Mutsuki looked at the damage before following behind them. Juuzou called out to Hanbee as they passed him to take care of the damages, and then marched the three boys home.

Sasaki opened up the door, and looked at a lost for words. Urie and Shirazu looked a mess, and Mutsuki did too because he’d tried to interfere, Juuzou assumed.

Before Sasaki could speak, Juuzou uncuffed the boys while he asked what he was baking. It smelled sickenly sweet, and he wanted it.

“Well . . . I was baking, it’s done now. It’s brioche,” and then Sasaki sighed, “Would you like some, Officer?”

“Sure, tea too.” Juuzou invited himself inside as Shirazu and Urie made a break for it, Urie disappearing into a room close at hand, and Shirazu running upstairs.

Sasaki looked at the ceiling and just gave a defeated sigh.

“I think I’ll make coffee as well,” he said to the white plaster.

“If it’s brioche, we’ll need jam,” Juuzou took a seat on a leather couch, and made himself at home.

“Tooru, can you lend me a hand?” Sasaki said, and his darker son looked worried before following him into the kitchen.

Juuzou looked around the living room--for there being so many teenagers living in the house, it was spotless. The couches were leather, and the walls were decorated with abstract art. It took him a moment, but on one of the shelves he saw a photo of Sasaki’s family. He recognized the grandfather, standing idly with a hand on Sasaki’s shoulder, and assumed the older female standing next to Tooru must be the grandmother. Urie, Shirazu, and Yonebayashi were all stepping or sitting on someone in front of Sasaki who had a hand pressed to his forehead.

“Oh? Officer Juuzou, we’re back.”

He didn’t turn around but frowned at the picture, “Is this a family photograph?”

“Most of them are.” Sasaki poured tea as Juuzou put the frame down and picked up another. “Some of them are candid shots--Saiko was really taken with her camera for a few weeks.”

“Oh!” Juuzou put down the photo he was studying of a man sleeping with dicks drawn all over his face, and went back to the family photograph. The hairstyle and expression were the same. “Isn’t this Tsukiyama Shuu?”

“Sadly, yes. How much brioche would you like?”

That got his attention and he turned from the photographs and settled back on the couch. Mutsuki had an icepack on his face, and Sasaki was drinking coffee.

After he had gotten his brioche and jam, Juuzou asked Mutsuki about the fight.

“Well, we met up after cram school. Urie was angry because I had scored higher than him on the national mock exam even though I go to a um,” Mutsuki looked at his father who sighed, “yeah, like, um. . .the school we go to isn’t as high class as his. Shirazu told him not to bully his brother, well me, and they started fighting. I’m really sorry about Masato-san’s stand--”

“What did you do to her stand?” Sasaki asked.

Juuzou answered, reading off of his text messages from a frantic Hanbee, “They broke her front display and cracked the window too.”

“Oh, gosh, how much is it? I can’t believe they did that to sweet Masato-san. . .”

“Sweet isn’t the word I’d go for,” Juuzou said, “She’s a demon.”

“She’s a sweet lady, she always gives me her freshest flowers. Isn’t she, Tooru?”

“. . .Sasaki, she’s only nice to you because she likes your novels . . .”  

“She once yelled at Hanbee for thirty minutes,” Juuzou said fondly, recalling that day. “Anyway, I’ll cut you a deal, Sasaki.”

“Um, what kind of deal?”

“Just give me the rest of the brioche and we’ll call it squared away,” He finished off his piece and held out his plate for more. Sasaki looked at him like he was crazy, but Sasaki didn’t know the half of it.

“Are you allowed to do that, Officer?”

“Sasaki, are you going to tell an officer how to do their job?” He waved the plate, and Sasaki got the message. He went back to the koban with one brioche and returned to an angry Masato and a terrified Hanbee. He gave Masato some of the bread and then ate the rest while Hanbee stood guard.

 

xxx

 

The next incident happened not even a week later, but this time was right in front of the koban. It was if they wanted to get caught.

Again, it involved almost superhuman ways of fighting, and again Juuzou stepped in, and knocked them both down. Mutsuki and Saiko just stood there holding their hands to their faces.

“I just wanted to buy my game!” Saiko complained, as Juuzou escorted them home.

“Did you preorder it?” Mutsuki asked, “Because it’s going to sell out fast--”

“Tooru, don’t underestimate me.”

“Oh god, shut up,” Urie said.

“Don’t tell our sister to shut up!”

“She’s being annoying!” Urie said, “Shut up, Saiko!”

Urie stopped demanding that his sister shut up when Sasaki opened up the door and sighed.

“Officer, I hope they haven’t done anything else?”

“Just causing a bit of a disturbance in front of the station. Are you making cookies?”

“Ah, yes, I had made some for Hide, my editor.” Sasaki noticed his look and sighed, “Why don’t you come in, Suzuya?”

The kids stepped inside and he stepped in after them. On the couch was a man with a laptop on his lap, and stacks of paper in front of him.

“Oh, hello,” the man who had to be Hide said.

“Officer Suzuya,” Juuzou said by way of introduction.

“Nagachika, but everyone here calls me Hide.”

“Hide?” Juuzou asked. Hide nodded, so Juuzou didn’t bother with formalities.

“Sasaki is,” he thought for a moment, “Haise.”

“I have oatmeal, chocolate chip, and plain sugar cookies,” Sasaki Haise said. Juuzou took stock of him. He was wearing an apron and had a tray. His children were either in their rooms, or in the case of Mutsuki, sticking around in the kitchen. The two boys who had fought weren’t too bloodied up, but he supposed they wanted to clean up somewhat.  

“Urie and Shirazu got into another fight.” Juuzou took a chocolate chip cookie because he believed in treating himself. “One more and that’s three strikes.”

“Are you going to lock my boys up?” Sasaki sat down next to Hide who took a sugar cookie. Juuzou wondered why he hated life when there were so many chocolate chip ones right there.

“Nah,” Juuzou got an oatmeal cookie this time, “These are good, Sasaki, you should consider opening a bakery.”

“I could never, I’m a writer for life,” Sasaki said with a small smile.

“I read your book,” Juuzou said,  and didn’t say anything else on it. “If they fight like that once more, I’m going make them start doing errands. They need some way to channel all that teenage angst.”

“They’ve been fighting?” Hide asked, “More than they do here?”

“They broke a storefront window,” Juuzou couldn’t help but sound impressed. “A lot of anger in teenage boys, you know.”

“Urie’s twelve, and Tooru isn’t acting like this at all,” Sasaki said, which wasn’t the point, “And why wait for a third incident? If you think that’s what you want to do with them. . . as long as they’re not injured, it’s fine. I’ll discuss it with my mother.”

Hide and Sasaki shared a look.

“I’ll call my mother now, if you want something to drink with your cookies, I’m sure Tooru can grab it.”

“Just milk,” Juuzou said, “I’m seriously taking some of these back with me.”

 

xxx

 

“This is Urie, and this is Shirazu. Feel free to use them,” he said to Hanbee the next afternoon. Hanbee looked at him, and then at the grumpy teenagers. The back and forth looking continued for a bit before Juuzou took a seat and played with a knife he’d pulled from his fake leg.

That caught Shirazu’s attention, while Urie said, “What do you mean use us?”

“Your father,” Juuzou said, even indicating Urie as he spoke about Sasaki, “said that since you both want to be on the wrong side of the law, you can work for the right side starting today. Your grandmother agreed and is coming down with like a contract or some shit for me to sign.”

“What?” Shirazu stopped staring at his knife and now stared at him, “Hell no.”

“Call him if you don’t believe me.”

They did, and Juuzou thought about how it wasn’t the same as when Shinohara had taken him under his wing but it was pretty damn close enough. The older man would be proud when Juuzou got around to telling him.

Hanbee wasn’t sure he wanted anything to do with bossing minors around, so Juuzou gladly had them run the petty complaints and small errands for a while.

 

xxx

 

The summer passed, each day seeing the time between petty crimes decrease from how high they typically got due to summer heat. Mostly due to people not wanting to deal with the two junior officers, and seeing Juuzou’s smirking face as he said things like “You know they’re like thirteen, right?”

Sasaki became Haise when he baked a cake for Juuzou’s birthday and dropped it by the station. Haise started to drop sweets by the box, even on days when Juuzou wasn’t working, and the rest of the officers started to look more kindly on the two boys Juuzou had taken underneath his wing.

He taught them tricks from his life before during downtime, and soon their fighting styles started to become more polished. He found out that their grandfather taught them how to fight, and their father as well, and it became a burning desire in him to fight Haise. But he left that alone as August came by, and Haise dropped off cookies while being accompanied by Tsukiyama Shuu who looked constipated with a tight and annoyed face.  

“This is Officer Suzuya,” Haise said, and he sounded exasperated, “He’s teaching the boys a lesson in manners.”

Juuzou grinned at Tsukiyama and held out a hand, “Juuzou Suzuya.”

“Tsukiyama Shuu,” Tsukiyama shook his hand, and his face lost some of its tightness, returning to how he looked in photographs and on the covers of magazines. Juuzou was tempted to ask him for an autograph, to see how much he could make from one. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. You’re all our children complain about.”

“They just don’t like working hard,” Juuzou said, “Don’t worry, I’m not mistreating your sons.”

“I would hope not, I would not stand for it,” Tsukiyama said. Tsukiyama looked at Haise, who set down the box of cookies, and then he sighed.

“Please enjoy, Juuzou.” Haise said, “I must mention that the children won’t be coming by tonight. We have to go to dinner with my parents.”

Tsukiyama pulled a slight face, and Haise ignored him.

“Please enjoy, they are as delicious as ever,” Tsukiyama said, and then ushered Haise away.

 

xxx

 

“Oh? Tsukiyama?” Shirazu was using a knife to clean his teeth. Juuzou was waiting for him to figure out what a bad idea that was, but he was impressed a bit with his control. “He’s a dick. And a pervert. And no matter what I do, I can’t get him to leave Sassan alone.”

“He has a club formed around that,” Urie muttered as he counted up traffic tickets. It was a thankless task, but someone had to do it. Juuzou just was glad it wasn’t him. “The take down Tsukiyama club.”

“Hey, you know what he did,” Shirazu said and left it at that.

“What did he do?” Juuzou asked when there was no continuance.

“I don’t know,” Urie said before Shirazu could answer, “But he’s been after Sasaki for a long time, and doesn’t seem to notice that Sasaki doesn’t like him at all.”

“Like it’s been three years right? I’d give up on a chick after a year. Fucking trash stalker.”

“Stalker?” Juuzou tuned back in at that. “That’s an interesting word to use for your stepdad.”

Both Urie and Shirazu denied that Tsukiyama ever could or would be.

“He just doesn’t know when to give it the fuck up,” Shirazu said, scowling.

“He’s not marrying Sasaki,” Urie said, “It’s not legal.”

 

xxx

 

“Oh, you really have read it.”

That far too familiar voice cut through Juuzou’s thoughts as Tanaka reached his hand around Moriyama’s throat, and he set down The Dusk of Tanaka Taro to look at the author.

“Didya think I couldn’t read?”

Haise set down down the large container, and Juuzou smelled blueberries as he took off the cover.

“I try not to assume much of anyone nowadays,” Haise said, “People will either live up to what you expect of them, or grossly disappoint you.”

Juuzou took a still warm muffin out, and took a small bite, “Good answer.”


End file.
